Flying Termites With a Taste for Human Flesh — and Other Delights of Research in the Arroyos of Mexico

Word on the street is that I left the country on short notice to serve as a bodyguard for a blonde scientist in rural Mexico.

I will confirm that there is some truth in this statement. Thousands of parasites, Gila monsters, and cracked edible cannonballs later, I am back to tell the tale.

If I've learned anything from my expensive public education and collegiate life in LA, it's that life is all about grabbing hold of opportunities. With other expenses on my plate, the golden rule is: the cheaper, the better. When asked if I would be interested in assisting a UCLA PhD candidate with ecology research for a ten-day trip in Mexico, I knew this opportunity shouldn't be passed up – especially since all expenses would be covered.

Travel arrangements were hastily thrown together and I arrived in humid Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, a mere week later. Customs went by incredibly quickly; I was anticipating some trouble getting through since I had no idea where the research facility was or the grad student's contact information, and my pack was littered with random snacks from the flight. However, the customs officer just asked a few terse questions, shrugged, and hustled me along my way. Easy enough!

Pam, the PhD candidate, and her friend, Miguel, were waiting right outside of the clearance area. After quick hugs and hellos, I was whisked into a rental car and was on my way through three hours of torrential rain to Chamela, Jalisco.

The trip fell into two parts: collecting the fruit of the tree Crescentia alata, and planting the seeds for eventual DNA mapping and analysis. In the first few days of fruit collection, we woke up around 9 a.m. – 10 a.m., ate a quick meal, and headed out to a nearby dried-up arroyo (stream) to collect fruits and leaf samples of the target species.

The plan was to hit up pre-tagged trees via GPS while walking along the stream bed. We crossed our fingers for uneaten/uncracked fruit from this year, and collected five per tree if possible. The fruit is really hard (you have to throw them against rocks to open) and surprisingly heavy, resembling a cannonball in size and shape; you can imagine what it's like to carry a bunch back in sweltering heat and humidity! The specimens we picked were yellowish-brown in color, with insides a shade of black reminiscent of fertilizer. Yum.

Masculinity put aside, I admit the hikes were a lot harder than I had expected. High humidity, high temperatures, crappy boots, crappier footing, and a sack full of heavy fruit – not exactly a walk in the park. It was a really, really awesome experience though. Hiking and exploring off-trail is always an adventure, especially in the tropics. It helped that I was with two field ecologists. Their excitement and knowledge of the surrounding fauna and vegetation made the experience interesting and educational to say the least.

Being an academic myself, I took full advantage of this experience to immerse myself in Mexican culture – I learned to order beer and curse at mosquitos in espanol. The latter was quite useful, as my body became a human sacrifice and feeding ground for mosquitos, ticks, and chiggers throughout the trip. I tried to mitigate the suffering with anti-itch lotion, which, due to the large amount of bites, turned out to have an effect similar to rubbing tiger balm between your inner thighs. Pinche mosquitos. Sure, it was better than itchiness, but I sure as hell couldn't sleep on it.

Maybe I should have gotten that malaria shot.

The latter half of the trip was mostly spent cracking open fruit, taking out seeds, and meticulously planting them into little pots – a very repetitive and long process, but the occasional fruit swarming with red ants and crawling maggots kept things interesting. Additionally, the power would cut out intermittently with the rain throughout the day. This was annoying primarily because 1) the internet would die, 2) the beer would go warm, 3) the fan would turn off, and 4) the rain would unleash hordes of biting flying termites. This list is not in order of importance, I think.

This was definitely a very last-minute trip, and I was thrown outside of my comfort zone in many ways. I was even hesitant to go at first, despite the lure of all expenses being paid for. However, I took the leap of faith, and it ended up becoming one of the defining memories of my summer. As for the bodyguard rumor, though I wasn't exactly one by traditional standards, I found I could offer physical and emotional support for Pam. Life is filled with adventures; you just have to seize them as they come along!